Sincerely, Your Self-Esteem: 1998

Sixteen years ago, I was working at a bank in Charlotte, NC. I lived in a three bedroom, luxury apartment with two awesome roommates and was enjoying a fabulous life of drinks, friends, parties, work, drinks, food, music, drinks, and a ridiculous amount of raucous laughter. We had a core cast of characters that would come and go from our apartment, all adding to the vibrancy of our lives. The Living Single sitcom (I was Khadijah) was my reality and I LOVED it.  I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life; and my self-esteem was the lowest it had ever been in my life.

Unbeknownst to me, my depression was making it’s first significant appearance. My external life was wonderful but my internal dialogue was caustic. I beat myself up for every mistake. I felt I was ugly and fat. I felt sloppy. The person I loved didn’t love me. I cried a lot. I couldn’t understand why the happiness I felt in my life wasn’t translating to how I felt about me. I didn’t know then that joy was internal and not caused by outside influences. Deep down, I knew I was an amazing, special person and deserved the best out of life. But I was hurting and didn’t know how to make it better. I didn’t know how to feel better about ME.

I remember sitting at my desk at work, feeling forlorn and pitiful. And I was so sick of feeling that way. I needed someone, right then, to love me and say kind words to me. I needed to be encouraged. So, I began to love and encourage myself. I wrote myself a letter, from the viewpoint of my self-esteem. A pep talk to my internal self from my self-esteem. It’s remarkable that I even had the forethought to do it, as I look back.

Today, my self esteem is significantly better than it was. I still have lapses of doubt, but, I am much better. Maybe you can identify yourself in this note I wrote to myself and start listening to that voice inside of you that says you are remarkable…and have hope that IT DOES GET BETTER.

You don’t know me but I have been an admirer of yours for a very long time. You are a very beautiful woman but you would never know it to look at you. You downplay your breathtaking beauty, you wear clothes that don’t flatter your figure and you don’t take care of yourself like you should.

I understand that you are struggling with weight loss. You have a lack of sticktoitiveness. But you are so beautiful and have so much unrealized potential. And what’s even more frustrating, you are fully aware of everything that I am telling you.

Make a change! Be your best! Invest more time in yourself. Eat right, exercise and pay more attention to your natural beauty.

You’ve never been one to fit the mold. You always break it. Don’t be afraid to be different. Marvel at it! Don’t be merely pretty, be stunning! Be beautiful! Just do it!

When you apply yourself to something you shine so bright! Your presence, your aura is breathtaking.

Make yourself happy. Be willing to do whatever it takes to do it. Be confident. You command demand so much attention and respect when you are confident about yourself.

Love yourself. I already love you.

Sincerely,

Self-Esteem