Wait Not.

My 50th birthday is less than a month away. If you had told me when I was 25, that 25 years from then, I’d be divorced with no children, living in my hometown, I would have popped you in the mouth.

But here I sit, in the very home that was inhabited by my aunt, who was the most compassionate human to ever be born, and was also childless and a widow for most of her life. I find my life paralleling hers and my sister’s, who died at 58 with her dream of being married never realized.

I spent most of my twenties and thirties waiting ‘get chose’. I got my bachelors and masters, drove a nice car, had a corporate job, kept my hair permed and long, coke bottle figure, learned to cook, active in church, freaky in bed…all the boxes were checked. I waited so my husband and I could set out on this grand adventure of life, traveling, having children, living in exciting places, amassing great wealth, being a power couple.

When I finally did marry, it was to someone that didn’t appreciate all that I had done to be a good wife. I compromised a lot of myself to be in the marriage. It took years to understand how and why it disintegrated after less than a year.

Elders, when giving advice on love and life, always tell you to wait. Baby just wait on the Lawd. He will bring you a man in time. You young, sweetie. You got plenty of time! You need a man so you don’t have to live by yourself and so you can have somebody to look after you. Just wait, baby.

With all due respect, Mothers and Elder Aunties. I ain’t waiting for shit, NO MO.

I refuse to idle until until something else happens or be impatiently for something else to happen.

No one is promised tomorrow. No one is promised the next minute or second of the day. It’s important to recognize that I am alive, right now. I have the opportunity to make the most of my life at this very moment. To be present in it and appreciate the people that are in the journey with me RIGHT NOW.

No waiting for a husband. I will enjoy my relationships with my male friends and enjoy their companionship and tell them to go home when I don’t want to be bothered.

No waiting for those babies I wanted. I will enjoy my nieces, nephews, cousins, friends’s babies and give them back to their Momma’s when I get tired.

No waiting for a man to travel. I will get in the plane, train or automobile with knowledge and without fear and get to know people outside of my neighborhood, state, country, continent.

No waiting for a second income for financial stability. I will structure my finances to fit my lifestyle and my goals. I will use my talents to bring about wealth for myself and my tribe. My gifts will make room for me.

Instead of ‘waiting’ I will be enjoying my life, thriving while living with an expectation that one day, the thing I used to idle for will intersect with my life and an opportunity will manifest itself.

No more waiting. I AM THRIVING!

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